Recently I was asked to write a little more on the subject of: “dealing with unconscious people who are wanting to hurt you, my ego is definitely fighting this one!!!”
People often ask me about how to deal with these unconscious people and how to deal with them is actually very simple.
The problem is you choosing to deal with them that way… And that is because our ego loves conflict, and it feeds us with it.
It’s important to understand that drama is programmed into us by the media and our family and peers. So detachment from the drama is the bit that requires work. Firstly though…
The way to handle unconscious attacks…
I say they are unconscious attacks because no conscious person would be attacking in the first place. Meaning if you are being attacked in some way then the person is unconscious. So these people however, coherent in their speech are still unconscious to the unconsciousness of their actions.
Now I don’t make the rules, I just work with them and not against them… And the way things work is that whatever we give out comes back to us magnified. Which means learning to become predominantly present is the key to preventing yourself from falling into the trap of being unconscious.
This also extends your life too… Because you are awake and not asleep.
So you can decide IF learning to become more predominantly present is a worthy investment of your time or not. The vast majority of people who use and apply the Bug Free Mind Process would agree it is somewhat invaluable.
Let’s take the unconscious person…
If they are unconscious to their actions and that includes even if they are very targeted actions but of an unconscious nature i.e. an action no rational person would make… Then they are asleep, and they are missing out on life, which means their ego is in charge.
Someone like that should only elicit compassion from a conscious person. So if you do not feel compassion when verbally attacked, and stabbed in the back by someone then unfortunately you are not fully present yourself.
This may take a little self reflection to fully grasp and accept… But acceptance of this will be the key to progress in dealing with unconscious people.
Personally I have had death threats and threats of violence against my family and have still felt compassionate without needing to think that way. This is a sign of my mind being in the right place. This does not in any way mean I will not take down the perpetrator/s, I will just do so efficiently and in a detached way.
So someone who is just basically unconscious, or most would describe as ‘an ars*hole’ is someone who is asleep and therefore is not in control of their words and actions.
Yes we all know they should be, but they aren’t. So their life will never be what it should be either. Which means they are getting their punishment for their lack of action from the way they are living. They just cannot see how it was caused, and probably do not even see the punishment they are enduring because it is always present.
How you handle an attack is…
When an attack comes in do not react.
Snap yourself completely into the present moment instead. …And see if you can feel life just begin to just slow down.
Choose to look at a flower, or a tree blowing in the breeze, or a child playing, or someone you love…
However you choose to bring in presence does not really matter, just do it to take your mind away from the insult, or the back stabbing. You are not ignoring it, you are just putting it to one side for a while. The better you become at being present then the quicker you will stabilise your mind.
Now what I’ve just described is probably the way most people think they do react… But they don’t.
Which means they cannot even see the problem and therefore cannot begin to fix it.
If you think you are already doing this, but you are still having some or a lot of conflicts then it is almost certain that you are not doing it right some, or all of the time…
Getting back to the technique…
When you have stabilised your mind and you are ready, then choose to look at the insult or attack and fully observe how it makes you feel.
As you do bear in mind that if it makes you feel anything aggressive, or negative at all then you are allowing someone else to have control of your life through their actions and words. To let them have control is either a conscious or unconscious choice.
Once you are stable and are able to look at their attack without being affected by it, then you can begin to see if there is any value in it for you. There is often value wherever you look, but you must be present and aware to be able to benefit from it.
The value may be as small as noticing how well you didn’t react, to discovering that you were completely in the wrong. But the value can only be found through observation without reaction.
Once everything has been allowed to settle then you can calmly decide the correct course of action. Which is normally going to be to do nothing at all as that is the easiest way to win most conflicts. Some call this taking the high ground, personally I am just looking for benefits, winning is not important, learning is. Winning feeds your ego, learning enhances your life.
Now this was a relatively simple explanation that when learned and applied can remove some of the greatest pain from life.
However, it cannot be learnt instantly… Understanding it can be quick, but whether or not you have learnt it will only reveal itself to you when an unconscious person presents themselves.
P.S. If you like the idea of becoming more present, remaining awake more of the time, and becoming a master of your own mind… Then I suggest beginning the Bug Free Mind Process, as life is somewhat easier with pain removed 🙂
27 thoughts on “How to deal with unconscious people who want to hurt you…”
I really loved this post thank you keep up the good work this is what everyone needs to hear.
thank you mr andy! you have taught me very well! i have listen to the bug free mind process and am fully aware and conscious about everything that is moving and happening around me. the problem is alot of people don’t understand the man iv’e become and knowing that my life as change for the better. i am creating a magnificent life style and i do not desire to escape from it nor run from it! alot a people are very jealous of me and the talents i have mr andy, still i do not worry about them. i just continue on my journey of life because no matter what am going through i am going to get every good thing out of life that the universe as in store for me! i will keep my head up high no matter what and stay in the present as much has i can so that i can be happy no matter whats going on in the world now. i am in control of mind, my mind is not in control of me. thank you!
Thank you for the reminder of the process that has worked for me so well for most of my life. As a matter of fact it is also an old lesson from Scientology back in the 60’s. They taught it in basic comm. 101. ( I am not in sci). Just took a few courses. Thanks.
I like the presentation, actually if I join fully the course, it will change my present state of living to a better style of living especially responding on various issues.
I had quit reading your plethoric advises some time ago because I sort of had come to the conclusion that you were but a “blabbermouth” (no offense intended)…!
But this technique of yours on “How to deal with unconscious people who want to hurt you…” gives me the impression that, given the proper “filtration system” on board, I can still get some timely advises from you!
Thank You Andy!
Since reading A Bug Free Mind, I find myself becoming detached from the negativity the attacker wants you to feel. Negativity is the enemy. I don’t get in many conflicts but in the last several months have had several that would have affected me deeply a year ago. Most of it boiled down to people who cannot accept any criticism or look at their own behavior. When called out at all, they turn virulent and start accusing you of the behaviors THEY are actually guilty of. I have become more observant of my feelings. Being an analytical person by nature, it works for me and keeps me in the moment. THank you for all the great advice and for a book that truly works, if you take it to heart!
I have both books , I believe that it’s time to read again !
Good article, Andy. Of course, as a rascally biker type, my response is generally to give the offender a disapproving look and say: “And just who, pray tell, actually gives a rat’s ass about your lame opinion?” Hey, that’s just me…
Thanks Andy, working in retail I run into this all the time. Thanks ever so much, I’ll put this into practice today.
I just spent a whole night struggling with this very issue, and how to respond to an attack, and not liking my reaction to it. I sometimes feel that doing nothing is cowardly, or sticking my head in the sand, but I also don’t care to engage in or feed the drama. So thank you for talking about this and helping me get clearer!-Joanne
Thanks for your explanation of this Andy
Still find this a troublesome bug that lurks about me when get into conflicts with people.
This gives me an opertunity to think smarter the next time this occurs .
From a grateful BFM student
Thank you!!! I needed it!!
Your work is fabulous. Thank You.
But how will you deal with it when the very person is your brother, sister, or your spouse who lives with you and do this all the time?
The bond is deeper there as is the ingrained way of thinking. But you were not born thinking that way, which means it was learned. This new way can be learned too and will replace the current way of thinking over time.
Great article. Thank you Andy.
It has validated some actions I have taken which others have judged negatively (I was ‘taking down’ a serial arsonist through the appropriate legal channels) but from your article I can see that, in some of those moments, I was fully conscious and not reacting. The ‘damage’ had been done and I had come to terms with having my home destroyed and my possessions burnt. That person actually did me a favour in some ways, as my life suddenly became free of ‘stuff’, that is, material possessions, the loss of which I will never fear again.
I’ll work on the other bits. 🙂
Interesting post although these days I am in two minds.
I’ve read both your books and found them excellent and really useful. I watched your videos and bottom line I am a big fan of your Sartori/BFM .
But watching/reading your Facebook pages, I was wondering if it was a different person posting there, maybe your doppelganger. The person who wrote these books cannot be the rabid pro-Brexit who is on Facebook.
Speak of being “unconscious”! You literally throw out of the window all your teachings.
Just step back and look at your Facebook pages with no judgement and tell me what you see.
It was a big shock for me
No it was me in both places. I knew before I begun that to get the best result I would have to go at it in a way that was more marketing to the need state than I would normally go to in real life. I was faced with a problem: I had researched efficiently and from an unbiased view point which meant I had no need for things to be one way or another. The correct answer had become self-evident and so my work was done, or so I thought.
Then I realised that there was virtually no one out there who had researched properly, that they were all going to make their decision based on the awful data that was being presented to them. The really big concerns were not even being presented. I was okay with this level, until there was some information put out by the Remain side which was totally misleading and I thought that this was awful and was in fact wrong for someone in David Cameron’s position to be misleading people in this way. I saw that he was not sharing relevant information, and was as he clearly said campaigning to Remain.
It was at this point I saw how badly he’d handled the whole thing, he should’ve held a discussion and not had a campaign. He was working to his own agenda, instead of showing all the information to the public and letting them conclude which way to go for themselves from an informed position. At this point I realised that for me to sit by and do nothing would make me guilty of being a good man who sat by and did nothing and therefore allowed evil to prevail. So I couldn’t sit by and do nothing from that point on.
The next question then was how to be the most effective I could be in this situation. As a marketer I saw the easiest way to convert more people was to play the game from a fight fire with fire situation, and at the same time use various mindset tactics to take apart the opposition. Going back to the mindset expert side of things now, I had to come to terms with was I okay to get in the mud and fight for this. I pondered on that for a few days before deciding that it was the price of converting more people. Frankly I did not think we could win it, I just thought I would not be content with my actions if I didn’t do what I was prepared to do. I was not prepared to do much, but I was prepared to use my ability with mindset to fight for what I considered to be the right result.
I fully expected to lose time, and put my own mindset at risk to fight this fight. However, I never expected to win, or to receive any reward for my actions. However, not only did we win, but the education I got in the process was nothing short of remarkable.
So from the point of campaigning I threw nothing out of the window, virtually every single word was considered before hitting enter. It was considered from a campaigning point of view and from a consciousness point of view too. There was no small amount of effort put into this.
However, that all said, I can completely understand how this may have looked to a lot of people, and I was still okay with doing it, as I could not sit still and not get involved. If it had been the discussion it should’ve been then right now 70% would’ve voted to leave and David Cameron would be our PM. His failure of leadership because of his own agenda is a massive mindset lesson for all those who can think accurately enough to see it.
P.S. Thank you for this comment as it gave me a chance to explain the thinking behind my actions.
And the more I practice this, the easier life becomes. Thank you Andy
The bottom line is to remove the emotional impact you might generate when someone else goes ‘on the attack’. That allows you to be more calm, cool, and collected versus reactive. As always Andy, good tips and techniques.
Listen through observation 2 connecting through feeling 2 somewhat or + how=>
Well…I have just been reading this and I can see, how, in many different ways, we can all be teachers at the same time that we are learning . so no matter the outcome….we have won a change in our perception. Very valuable indeed. No matter how we look at it…it only comes down to how we decide to think about it…what thoughts keep us grounded in the now.
I went through ….near death experience…. now everyword by u to us to usa…..now I desires complete with us.. now we are us. V are …..hell is complete…….
Now I desire ocean inside… thank you from every pRt of my heart to we+ usa,.
I have had people saying to me; ” You have led a charmed life and you have always ended up on your feet”. They say it because , 1 Jealousy and 2. Because they don’t see the full picture about my past struggles with life.
There are some unconscious people who do not like seeing others do well, and that is why they threaten you and try to bully you, and i repeat the word again…It’s jealousy that is at the foundation behind their unconscious behaviour.
Everything i have ever been lucky at was created by myself. No one has ever given me a leg-up or smoothed my path over for me, and that is what some of these unconscious individuals do not understand.
People around me treating me like a fool. They want results but not process like theory to practical is alliean thing. 2 months went likethere is no time
Natural nature naturally creating nature in side me. Now I m getting matured…. (?)